If the internet was crank operated…

...everything would be right in the world. If my download was going too slow, I could just pick up the pace by cranking faster. Just like an old car, bicycle or manual electric generator, the performance would be determined by how hard or fast you can turn the crank. Internet junkies would get some much needed exercise assuming they don’t buy a gas-powered modem or quit using the internet entirely. If someone wasn’t in the mood for an upper-body workout, crank powered modems could be worked into stationary bikes and elliptical trainers for a nice cardiovascular workout while surfing the web.
The days of you growing more and more frustrated while you watch your download go absolutely nowhere would be a thing of the past – no longer would you find yourself cursing at your worthless provider in futility as you could actually do something about it! Don’t like the speed? Crank faster! It’s like when you were a kid and you had the choice between a tricycle or a Power-wheel; sure, you didn’t have to do a lick of work when riding the Power-wheel but if it went any slower it would be going backwards. The tricycle, if you were prepared to pedal, would get you places much faster and embarrass any punk-ass fat kid who challenges you to a race in his sister's pink Power-wheel.